This post is the beginning of a slight deviation on my part. I feel as though I have covered most of the areas surrounding an MFA and wanted to branch off into something broader, while still keeping to the original premise of the Substack. “Behind the Writing Curtain” also means grappling with the realities of pursuing a dream that many people will not celebrate, respect, nor understand. I may be projecting, but in recent years of graduate school I have found friends I have known between 14-22 years who have always supported me in childhood, middle school, high school, and undergrad. But now, in our mid-to late twenties, they have all lessened communication. I was always the one to initiate contact or encourage connection. Graduate school somehow created an inexplicable divide that no one was able to cross, the deterioration was clear.
Like it or not, graduate school is a specialized pursuit. It can be perceived as elitist and made most of my friend’s shudder or wrinkle their noses. Suddenly as an academic, I was treated like an alien that they didn’t know what to do with. They were on different paths than I was and that was okay, but the living pulse of connection just wasn’t there anymore. I was then pegged as introverted, bookish, and anti-social, instead of driven, confident, and successful. Most people I know are still trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives, which doesn’t make me better than they are, but too different to relate to. Recently, I ended up driving 3,000 miles from California to New York without anyone from my small hometown realizing I was gone.
Reaching for the impossible like a PhD or an MFA can set you apart from most everyone. The more focused you are on your career the less others outside of your field will “get” you. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve received judgemental, uninformed statements like: “Yeah, that’s cute, but when are you gonna get a real job?” and “What’s your ROI?”” How are you ever gonna live?” None of these statetments ever took the next step in considering or asking about what I did, if I was good at it, or if I had a plan. The whole field of writing is considered bad news so, why in the world pursue it? Because while money does make the world go round, that isn’t the point.
I say, who cares how much money you make if you’re miserable?
Us artists break the bounds of what society considers acceptable which can be isolating, but that is why finding community in your field is vital. One could say I made too many sacrifices for a career that was a lost cause to begin with, or that I move too much to sustain long term friends. Either way, losing a bunch of childhood friends was something I did not expect, nor welcomed. But as we get older, we begin to make choices that define us and that also means letting go. For me that means taking risks…leaving my hometown in California (again,) and starting over in a new city, school, and state for yet… another degree…again.
I am not saying if you are successful that means you’ll be miserable and alone, but you may on your career journey see a major shift of the friends you once had, and those who you choose to surround yourself with. Reach for the impossible even if it means starting over, and the impossible will find you.
Until next time,
Lena N. Gemmer
Truer words were never said. As we evolve and expand we certainly do outgrow some people in our lives. On the other hand, you are currently in the company of others who are pursuing their dreams , determined and focused people, like you. maybe in this circle are life-long friends!